Trust and Dependence

November 14th
Trust and Dependence
By: Anna Williams

From the earliest time I can remember, I had a strong desire to be a mother. As a child I played banker and teacher, but my absolute dream was to care for a family of my own. My educational and career choices followed in line with this desire as I reached adulthood so you can imagine my shock when my husband and I discovered our battle with infertility.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
     do not depend on your own understanding.
 Seek his will in all you do,
     and he will show you which path to take.”
 – Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

Our five-year plan ended up turning into a ten-year journey of heartache, frustration, resilience and self-discovery. The first hurdle to overcome was grief and anger. Why would God place this desire in me only to seemingly deny me the ability to pursue it? Who was I supposed to be if not a mom? Bitterness and resentment were frequent temptations but the promise of God’s love and the proof of his hand on my life in the past were what sustained me.

I began to trust him without having the answers and instead asked “What can I do for you as I place one step in front of the other today?”  And now, a decade later with 9-year-old twins, I can attest to so many things God did during that time to prepare me for the years ahead.
 
He taught me that my identity is found in him; that motherhood is a stewardship – not an ownership; that his timing is perfect in all things; and that the strength I found through that challenge would serve me in the ones to come.