Thursday, February 2
Daring God’s Goodness
By: Lori Ennis
Just a few months after my son died, I stood in a church pew while the rest of the congregation sang, “Blessed be the name…He gives and takes away…my heart will choose to say…”
I did not sing.
I could not sing.
I was not okay with a lot of things. Theology I’d lived by my whole life (do good things in life, good things happen; do bad things, bad things happen) and words casually sung by people who didn’t have to bury their babies made me want to throw up and run out.
Instead, I stood, daring God to heal my heart.
I white-knuckled the pew in front of me, and in my head, screamed at God to heal my heart. Dared Him to do it since He didn’t seem to be in the bringing-people-back-to-life business much anymore.
In hindsight, I’m tremendously embarrassed that I had the audacity to be so accusatory and ugly to the One who’d given me my son in the first place.
Still, He loved me.
Still, He heard me.
Still, He maintained His goodness because He is unchanging and good all the time. His grace being sufficient is WHO He is, and as I let torturous thoughts run through my head, He gently reminded me that His grace wasn’t about removing the challenge or bringing back the dead.
It was about holding me as I cried to Him.
Filling my life with those who loved Him and in turn, loved me as I reconstructed my relationship with Him.
It was about continuing to be consistent in His nature despite my world being upside down, and me questioning everything I ever trusted about God.
Friends, He IS the God you can trust. Even if it doesn’t end up how you beg Him to make so, His grace is sufficient.
But it must be chosen. You must humble yourself and allow Him to show you how that’s true. You must make the choice to let Him be your Peace.
Don’t dare Him–unless, with an open heart, you allow Him to be your everything because that’s exactly what He wants to do.
Daring God’s Goodness
By: Lori Ennis
Just a few months after my son died, I stood in a church pew while the rest of the congregation sang, “Blessed be the name…He gives and takes away…my heart will choose to say…”
I did not sing.
I could not sing.
I was not okay with a lot of things. Theology I’d lived by my whole life (do good things in life, good things happen; do bad things, bad things happen) and words casually sung by people who didn’t have to bury their babies made me want to throw up and run out.
Instead, I stood, daring God to heal my heart.
I white-knuckled the pew in front of me, and in my head, screamed at God to heal my heart. Dared Him to do it since He didn’t seem to be in the bringing-people-back-to-life business much anymore.
In hindsight, I’m tremendously embarrassed that I had the audacity to be so accusatory and ugly to the One who’d given me my son in the first place.
Still, He loved me.
Still, He heard me.
Still, He maintained His goodness because He is unchanging and good all the time. His grace being sufficient is WHO He is, and as I let torturous thoughts run through my head, He gently reminded me that His grace wasn’t about removing the challenge or bringing back the dead.
It was about holding me as I cried to Him.
Filling my life with those who loved Him and in turn, loved me as I reconstructed my relationship with Him.
It was about continuing to be consistent in His nature despite my world being upside down, and me questioning everything I ever trusted about God.
Friends, He IS the God you can trust. Even if it doesn’t end up how you beg Him to make so, His grace is sufficient.
But it must be chosen. You must humble yourself and allow Him to show you how that’s true. You must make the choice to let Him be your Peace.
Don’t dare Him–unless, with an open heart, you allow Him to be your everything because that’s exactly what He wants to do.
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